Things I have learned...
- Divorce does not mean it is the end and does not have to break up families. In fact, if all parties involved are mature and positive, it can actually be an opportunity to grow closer once again.
- Those who hurt you the most were only able to do so because you love them the most.
- It is much easier to forgive than forget.
- It is much easier to forget acts of wrong-doing against you than it is to forget hurtful words that were said to you and/or about you.
- Those who say bad things about you rarely mean them. It is more of a personal issue within themselves and attacking you is a very effective short-term coping mechanism.
- Children really are more happy in healthy divorce situations than in tension-filled homes (the research was actually right!)
- Money can and will destroy a very good relationship if you allow it to.
- Speaking of which, life is MUCH better and relationships are MUCH easier without money, which leads to #8...
- Being broke actually can equal happiness.
- Life never turns out the way you thought it would.
- Striving to better the lives of others will inadvertently better yours.
- There will NEVER be anything more important in this world than your children are.
- There is nothing worth protecting more than your children.
- Everyone seems to know exactly what you should do or should have done except those people that you genuinely seek advice from, including close friends and marriage counselors you see for 8 months alike :)
- Nothing in life is certain, no matter how financially secure you think you are, how tight-knit your family is, how blissful your marriage is, how healthy your kids are, etc. A turn of events can throw it all off in a heartbeat. This has led to the realization of # 16...
- It is absolutely imperative that you stop and "smell the roses" every single day.
- The majority of people who are married have some type of marital problem. When they hear about your divorce, they either confide in you about them, or use your problems to continue to deny theirs. Either way, I figure my situation is helping people.
- When you are happily married, other happily married friends are hard to find. When you become single and heart-broken, you are suddenly surrounded with happy couples. I have concluded that this is to force you to fall in love with yourself again.
- Divorce is much like being 18 all over again. You move out of the house, make your own decisions, take on much more responsibility, and grow twice as fast because of it.
- "Family" and "Friends" should actually be combined into one word and share a definition. There is really nothing that sets them apart. "Family" can disown you as soon as they disapprove of anything in your life, and "friends" can be there to see you through all the challenging times.
- It is actually possible to hate AND love someone at the same time. Usually, you love them for who they are, but hate them for what they do or have done.
- We really do create our own happiness! And only we know how to do that for ourselves.
- Our parents' marriages in our early years really does influence us in our own marriages. Sometimes, NOT exposing your children to what you don't want them to learn may be the better option even if it means they have 2 homes...which, by the way...
- Children think it's the coolest thing in the world to have 2 homes and 2 of everything.
- Divorce does not mean you failed at something; in some cases it means you refused to fail at something. "Failure is not falling down, but staying down." (I forgot who said this...hopefully no plagiarism goddess reads this).
- Having a job in which you are constantly surrounded with people WAY less fortunate than you are makes you SO grateful for your life, even your "broken home, SO not the way you thought it would be" life. :)
- It is okay to feel sad, happy, alone, full, angry, joyful, etc. all in one day. It is even better to talk about it!
- Mature, educated people can actually become better people through bad experiences like divorce. While some think of a divorced woman as having "baggage," I think of it as having wisdom, experience, realistic expectations, and rational decision-making.
- Sometimes a "broken home" in the public's eye is a happy home in the family's eye.
- Never judge people because you never know their story (and everyone has one). I have become so much more accepting of people.
- Always be grateful for the adversity life throws at you. The people who have overcome the most are the strongest and we will be the ones who must be there when the people who have not been dealt adversity get their first dose and crumble. Even if those people have caused your adversity.
- While religion is great for some people, and faith in a god is helpful, it is not necessary in order to be a good person and live by virtuous principles. I am learning the difference between religion and spirituality, and something that I can't quite put a label on nor can I describe.
I will stop for now because I'm sure it will take most people who actually care to read this like 3 sittings. It was more for myself. Journals are so outdated, but I was feeling like I had to document this growth. Until next time, I will call it quits at 32 :)
